I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

TV is the rat race of the century.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Always examine the dice.