The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Was that you or the duck?

I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.