The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.