The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"