You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.
[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life
I'm not going to pay good money to join a club that lets in people like me.