I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.

I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

I hate London when it's not raining.