I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.

Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.

I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.