Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you.

I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.

Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.