It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me." "What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?" "Sure she could. I just found that out too late.

If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.

I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!