I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me." "What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?" "Sure she could. I just found that out too late.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

If he's been married for 31 years, he's not the same man.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight in wild caterpillars?

Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?