This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

Time wounds all heels.

Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.

That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.