This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.

Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)

I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.

There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.

The Alps are a simple folk, living on a diet of old shoes. And the Lord Alps those who alp themselves.

[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.

Clowns work as well as aspirin, but twice as fast.