This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.

I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

Blood's not thicker than money.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!