Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home." Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup.

The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.

I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.