Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.

Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?

Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.

The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.