Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

I came here for a party and what do I get? Nothing. Not even Ice cream.

I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker.

Do you mind if I don't smoke?

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!