A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip

In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition to these two he's also having a fling with a fringe tootsie, both the wife and the mistress are outraged and the combination lover, husband, and cheat may well wind up with a large French bread knife between his ribs.

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.