A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

Wages? You want to be wage slaves? Answer me that! Of course not. What is it that makes wage slaves? Wages! I want you to be free. Strike off your chains! Strike up the band! Strike three you're out! Remember, there's nothing like Liberty, except Colliers and The Saturday Evening Post. Be free, now and forever. One and individual. One for all and all for me, and tea for two and six for a quarter.

I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.

Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.

Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.