Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world.

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself

Time wounds all heels.

I'm going to Iowa for an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by the French government - I'd give it all up for one erection.

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

Patience is the art of finding something else to do.