Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world.

I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have!

I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.