A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

I came here for a party and what do I get? Nothing. Not even Ice cream.

Was that you or the duck?

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.

The only real laughter comes from despair.