Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Any place I hang my head is home.

There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.