Any place I hang my head is home.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.