There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.

A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you.

I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove

I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.