Whatever it is, I'm against it.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.

You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.