Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.

I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I came here for a party and what do I get? Nothing. Not even Ice cream.