Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.

I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.