No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.
I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!
Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!
Budget: a way of going broke methodically
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"