I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.

Hello, I must be going.

I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me

TV is the rat race of the century.

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.