No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.

If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

Any place I hang my head is home.