If you take cranberries and stew them like apple sauce, it tastes much more like prunes than rhubarb does.

Home is where you hang your head.

Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?" "Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!

You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.