I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.

Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t make you happy and this is undeniably true, but everything else being equal, it’s a lovely thing to have around the house.

I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it