Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?" "Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I'd make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.

I hate London when it's not raining.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.