Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?" Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.