Humor is reason gone mad.

This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.

I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now.

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.