When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

Two women at a resort discussed dinner: "The food here is lousy," the first noted. "You're right! And such small portions!!" the second added

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.