Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.

Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.