Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.

Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.

Celebrate the cracks, because that's how the light comes in.

If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition to these two he's also having a fling with a fringe tootsie, both the wife and the mistress are outraged and the combination lover, husband, and cheat may well wind up with a large French bread knife between his ribs.