Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me." "What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?" "Sure she could. I just found that out too late.

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.