Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.

Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

Was that you or the duck?

Mrs. Teasdale calls for rescue and Firefly delivers the famous line to his cohorts as they rescue her: "Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.