I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.