I'm not going to pay good money to join a club that lets in people like me.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you.

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?