I'm not going to pay good money to join a club that lets in people like me.

A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.

Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight in wild caterpillars?

Africa is God's country, and He can have it.

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.