I hope they bury me near a strait man

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip

Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while

Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.

Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?

Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.