I hope they bury me near a strait man

Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.

I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.