If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I'd make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.

Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!

Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.

One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!

Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.

Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.