If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!