Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket

Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!

Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.