Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.

What have future generations ever done for us?

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill.

It isn't so much that hard times are coming; the change observed is mostly soft times going.

Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?" Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.