Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.

The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

The only real laughter comes from despair.

If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.