Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.

What have future generations ever done for us?

I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.

I love to read. My education is self-inflicted

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.