Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.

Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

I know a member of one of New York's first families (first as you drive up Tenth Avenue)

Only if the computers really love each other.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.