Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Humor is reason gone mad.

Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.

If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.

Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?