Jail is no place for a young fellow. There's no advancement.

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself

Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs