A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t make you happy and this is undeniably true, but everything else being equal, it’s a lovely thing to have around the house.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.