Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.

Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker.

Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life

Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?

The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.