I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.

It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa

The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.

If he's been married for 31 years, he's not the same man.