Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: "The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you." Firefly replies: "Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more."

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.

I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I'd make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.