This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.