Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!