Budget: a way of going broke methodically

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication

Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.

Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.