Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.

If he's been married for 31 years, he's not the same man.

I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.

I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.

I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.

Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape.