I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.

Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket

Whatever it is, I'm against it.

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.

Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.