Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove

Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.

This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.

Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.