There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.

Here lies Groucho Marx and Lies and Lies and Lies P.S. He never kissed an ugly girl.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape.

I'd have liked to have gone to bed with Jean Harlow. She was a beautiful broad. The fellow who married her was impotent and he killed himself. I would have done the same thing.

Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.

I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now.

If he's been married for 31 years, he's not the same man.