The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho MarxWhen discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"
Groucho MarxI didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
Groucho MarxMrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: "The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you." Firefly replies: "Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more."
Groucho Marx