With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

Any place I hang my head is home.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.