With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: "The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you." Firefly replies: "Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more."

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.

It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.